Saturday, June 21, 2008

My Mission: To Reach the Kitchen

My mission is simple.

I need to get from my bedroom to the kitchen.

I am no long Rhea, mother of two,

but instead, a secret agent,

perhaps not unlike Sidney Bristow in Alias

(one of the best TV shows EVER)

Or I'm a sexy ninja

I live in fear.

Why, you ask?

Because my house is a cluttered mess danger zone, a battle field and an obstacle course.

To get from one room to the next, I have perfected my belly crawing skills

so the natives won't notice me.

I can become one-with-the-wall to edge around a room.

I can dodge, duck and dive into a forward roll.

Annie has also perfected these skills.
(Ok, that's not really Annie, but you get the idea)

Together we attempt to avoid an attack from the natives...

The natives have air support,



and fortified bases inside

and outside.

They even have special weapons which are banned in our house this land.

They've interfered with my communications, and I can hear them listening in on my transmissions.

Then, today, they attempted a more direct approach:

"Mama, come in here, we want to show you something."

I hear giggles.

Oh, no, I won't fall for that. The oldest trick in the book.

I'm running the opposite direction!

I need some defensive plans of my own, a counter-attack, a secret weapon...

Wait. I've got it.

"If I get hit with ONE more thing, I'm taking away your computer and TV privileges!"

And, I duck as the barrage of paper airlines and balls come flying my way.


Heather said...

I LOVED Alias until Sydney got pregnant. Forget living vicariously. I'd been there done that. I always dug her with the purple hair.

Oh, to be a genius, gorgeous, double agent.

Put on a purple wig, girl, and you'll be impervious to children's wiley ways. THAT'S the secret

The CDM said...

The real secret is, you're MOM! Here's an example of what I'd do: Scare the crap out of 'em by waking them up at 5 A.M. by whatever method you choose. The way to get a message across to youngsters is to beat them at their own game, you'll get mad respect for that...and it's more fun. Taking the stuff away is just too easy, make 'em suffer with 'their age level' payback.

I do it to my niece and nephew everytime they try to one up me, in no time at all, they're waving the white flag.


Jeff B said...

This is why Lisa and I stopped at two children. We figured if we had any more we'd be out-numbered and we'd never stand a chance.

Loved this post.

Alison B. Osborne said...

Sounds dangerous, over there! I agree with Complain Dept. Manager...wake them up in the middle of the night with a fog horn or something!

I love your mug from the last post, by the way!

david mcmahon said...

Hi Rhea,

Sorry this is off-post, but do you remember how you challenged me to come up with a decent ``trash'' shot?

After weeks of searching, I think I've found it. I took the shot about an hour ago and it'll aut-publish on my site in twelve hours' time.

Let me know what you think!

Catherine said...

My house is also a battle field for others reasons than yours. The natives, here, leaves obstacles everywhere, they forgot the meaning of order. They don't agress us, they just make passive resistance. I think they'll put an end to the conflict by leaving home. In many years : )

CrystalChick said...

Oooh, I sooo want to be a Sexy Ninja!!!! When does training begin??
OMG, since my daughter and her family moved in, my craft room is in the dining room, the dining room is now missing, the kitchen we ALL share so some days it's just easier to eat out on the lawn except the dogs leave their messes out there too!
I need a vacation.....

Jen said...

Great post. You gave me a glimpse into the future. I am waiting for the day when they realize that they totally out number me. Then I am in for.

Rhea said...

Heather - I LOVE the purple wig on Sidney too. Alias was awesome. I should have known the purple wig was the secret though, now I know.

Complaint Department Manager - I like your style, scaring the crap out of em at 5am. I bet you're the fun uncle. hehe (Trust, I don't REALLY let me kids run this household, this post was for fun.)

Jeff - You're very smart, my man. Don't want to be out-numbered.

Alison - So, you're jealous of my mug, eh? hehe Fog horn is a great idea. So is icy cold water to the face...sound familiar?!

David - I do remember the trash challenge, and I can't wait to see what you've come up with!

Catherine - The meaning of order? I didn't know there was a meaning of order! I know the meaning of disorder though....hehehe

Crystal Chick - We do need some sexy ninja training. Gotta start with the outfits though, that's first! Your house does sound a little chaotic at the moment...

Jen - Oh dear, hope I didn't scare you. It's all fun around here...until I make them clean up.

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Hey, I'm a SITS sista checking in. This post is so funny and clever. I will be coming back for more!!

Indy said...

Great post. Couldn't wait to see where you were going with this. Hope my boys don't get this idea. This is right up their ally.

Rhea said...

Lisa - Hey! Always nice to meet a fellow SITS sista. Thanks for stopping by.

Indy - Glad you enjoyed the post! Boys can be dangerous. Be prepared, get some ninja training just in case. :o)

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

We don't have intentional traps and land mines around here. But I do have polly pocket shoes to dodge. I have nosy children that want to know everything...and one who will listen in from around a corner. And often, when I hear the calls of "mooommmm" I pretend that I cannot hear them...

Angie's Spot said...

ROFLMAO! This reminds me so much of my house (sans the little boys pelting things at me) that it's scary. And I've never seen Alias. Apparently something ELSE I need to add to my netflix queue.

Cristin said...

Love it! I had the Mission Impossible music running through my head as I read this!!

Valarie Lea said...

Hmmmm sounds like a suprise counter attack is in order!!

Unknown said...

LOL thanks for the tips! I am going to need all the help I can get to dodge kids once school starts back!

Anonymous said...

My children are grown, so now I only have to worry about my husband pulling things. He loves to scare me.
boys will be boys..forever!

I love your mug in your last post. I have four packs of sunflower seeds on my counter. I think I have waited too late to plant them this year. :O

Thanks for sharing your world!


Kiera said...

Sounds like a pun intended. You are such a fun mom!

the mama bird diaries said...

Ha! Hilarious. Good luck in your quest. The enemy is strong.

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

How is it that I have moved down to number three in the comment contest? I wonder how far back those things measure.

KG said...

Heh - at least the balls aren't spitballs (yet). Though I'm sure they've waged biological warfare on you before . . .

Hilary said...

What a clever and amusing post. Too cute. I remember those days well. In my war zone, I was always worrying about stepping barefooted on the dreaded land mines.

Jennifer said...

ROFLMAO! :) great post!! spoken as a true mom of little boys!! ;) I love it!!

My son loves to do this same thing to me!!

just a little tip... although I'm sure you already know this... do NOT, under any circumstances... and no matter what your husband says... DO them a nerf bow and arrow set! Trust me!!! ;)

thanks for the laugh!! :)


Jennifer said...

PS... i have added you to my blog roll... i hope this is okay with you. :)

if you rather not.. please just let me know and I can take you off.

Sandy Kessler said...

boy do I get it my house always an obstacle course. I run out of energy

Anonymous said...

hee hee, fun post. You Hollan's have good senses of humor. Gotta love Google images!!!

Utter Basketcase said...


Jules said...

I LOVE this post! How did I miss it before? Huh!
It must have been hiding. No wait! I was off on vacation. Okay. Moving on........