Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Up Side of Down

This weekend I was feeling down.
Down, drained, lost, depressed.

I had to work on a Saturday, which took a good chunk of my day...and time away from my kids.

And let's face it, I'm still not used to spending so little time with them.

I've been a stay-at-home mom most of their life, although I've worked from home and/or been in classes part time at the University of Texas at different times. But, I've always been available for them.

And now that's changed. The change has mostly been for the good. I'm enjoying working in the business world. The boys are gaining more independence. But, a part of me grieves. It just does.

And this summer scares me.
Last summer we went swimming almost every single day.

We went on field trips to corn fields and roller skating.
We had fun...together.

This summer I have to work.
We do have an amazing trip to Disney World planned, but other than that, I have to work.
And I Don't know what to do with them.
I guess summer camps.
And relatives.
but it makes me sad.

So, this has all hit me this weekend.
Along with feeling drained.
And down.
And lost.

And my marriage is a mess.
A big complicated, messed-up mess.

So, when I got home from work yesterday, the boys wanted to go play outside in our neighborhood park. I reluctantly agreed to go with them, grabbing a book and my camera.

And something amazing happened.

I started out feeling grouchy.
sitting in the grass, watching them play.

And then slowly, I began to appreciate the greeness around me. Texas is GORGEOUS this time of year. Everything's blooming.

And then I felt the urge to take pictures.
Of the green trees.
Of the flowers.
Of my two boys playing together.

And by the time we went inside an hour or two later...I felt re-charged.

And I remembered.
Oh, yeah.

Being in nature,
being with my children in nature,
being with my children in nature and taking pictures...

that makes me happy.


Screwed Up Texan said...

Love going to the park! Sometimes it is good to get out in the fresh has a way of changing perspective even if only temporarily. And its a good thing you went this weekend, b/c it looks like it is gong to be rainy for at least a couple days. Let us know if you need anything.

Susie said...

Getting back to the basics will get you every time:-)

Angie's Spot said...

I'm sorry that things haven't been at their best for you here lately. Hang in there and look back at those pictures that you posted and remember those simple pleasures in life that keep us on the road. Sending you big hugs!

Expat From Hell said...

Thanks for posting a great example of your courage. That's what it takes to be honest, to share the tough stuff with your audience, and - best yet - to DO something about it. You are an inspiration.


Justine said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling so down, and you know I can empathize about the crap marriage. I'm just glad you got out for a while and reconnected with your kids a bit, but mostly, with yourself.

Justine :o )

Momo Fali said...

I am sorry you were feeling bad, but am so glad that you found what you needed in order to get centered again. Life can be so tough and so beautiful all at the same time. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so complicated.

kristi said...

I took my kids to the park today. Unfortunately, my marriage has had its ups and downs. Love the photos.

All Things BD said...

So glad you have an outlet here when you're down, and that you live in a beautiful neighborhood that can help pick you up. Hang in there!

Jen said...

I have learned over the few short years that I have been a mom that just being with my kids seeing them smile and laugh can usually lift any bad time that I am having.

Ash said...

Amazing how a couple of hours with two sweet boys can refill your spirit and soul. I often count on it here as well.

Good thoughts to you - E

Sprite's Keeper said...

Sometimes we all need a good kick in the battery to get re-charged. I hope everything works itself out!

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

Rhea, I just want to give you a big hug. All our plans to meet up...and then life thwarts all our efforts.

And see I am on the other end of your spectrum. I am at home with the whole crew. And I crave those few minutes when it's just me. Alone. :-)

Skeller said...

Oh dear. My heart aches for and with you. I remember all your fun summer posts from last year. You were so very intentional and wonderful about making it such a fun summer for the boys (and Annie!). I pray God blesses you as you walk this difficult path and that He comforts you and gives you wisdom and energy and opportunity to make more fun summer times in the little free time you do have this year.

Dee said...

Bless your heart dear.

*hugs and best wishes*

Unknown said...

So glad you feel better & hear what you are saying about working... I need to work for ME... but i feel bad about the things I could be doing with them in the summer! Hang in there chica!

Anna Lefler said...

Yay! What a sweet post!

You'll have a great summer no matter what - just wait.

Hang in there, Rhea...



glenna said...

Thank you for the SITS welcome. Glad I've met you thru SITS.
When we have faith, we see the picture more clearly.

Unknown said...

Hang in there Rhea, summer may well turn out better than you expect, the boys may enjoy camp and getting to go to relatives. Glad your visit to the park lifted your spirits. I also left a comment on the linked post.

beth said...

the decision to stay home or go out to work is sucha double edged sword, isn't it? hope everything works out well!

John Deere Mom said...

I am glad being outside with the kids and the beautiful weather perked you right up. It's definitely good for the soul to just be. To relax and be.

Lula! said...

Please do more of what makes you happy. Because I need you to be happy. More trips to the park...more good reads...more good music...more fun time with your boys. Better times with THB.

I don't like to think of you being unhappy.

(Wish we lived closer--then the boys could swim at my house whenever they wanted. And you, too...of course.)

Kelley said...

You made me miss Texas with your pictures! I'm glad your day got better!

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, honey. I'm here for you if you need to talk. Just drop me a line. Or call me.

Nature tends to have that effect on me as well.

Gorgeous pics!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

I'm glad you found your happy place...and you shared it with us!

Teri said...

A few weeks ago, I decided that I absolutely HAD to start walking. Yeah, the exercise is good, but the stress relief is incredible. I have been walking for at least 1 1/2 hours at a time, 4.5 to 5 miles. There are days when I could keep on walking. I'm feeling your stress, girl. Sorry I haven't been by lately to read you more often. Take care.