Monday, October 13, 2008

Mixed Signals: Just say NO to Indecision

At age 15, with a learner's permit, I was able to drive as long as there was another licensed driver in the car. And, luckily, I had some patient drivers willing to ride with me and help me learn; my father, my older sister & my boyfriend, Texas Homeboy.

Thank goodness for their willingness and guidance!

I remember being in my older sister's Peugeot, driving around Austin, and totally panicking when I hit yellow lights. In that split second you have to decide, I wasn't sure whether to speed up or slow down. Most of the time I was already in the intersection, so I needed to go through with it, not slow down.

As moms, as humans, we're faced with decisions daily.
An entire gambit of different choices need to be made, big and small.
What to feed the kids for breakfast? What to dress them in?
What time to leave the house to get to school on time? What manners to teach the kids?
How best to show by example? What sports to enroll the kids in, after school activities? Which schools are best? How should they deal with bullies? what if they become bullies? How to mend their broken hearts or when to get involved in situations?

These decisions affect our health, how others perceive us, who we ultimately are.
How do we know which ones are important and which ones aren't?
Some are obvious, but not all.

Hindsight is helpful but non-existent at the present moment.

Do you make grown-up decisions most of the time?
Do you decide things with your heart or your head?

I've found most of my decisions are navigated by my moral compass...

and my logic and desire to be a productive member of society.

Emotions can mess up my carefully drawn lines...sometimes this is good,
sometimes this is bad.

I find the decisions I need to make about my kids are the easiest, most straight forward and clear for me. The ones about myself...the hardest.

Sometimes the childish little princess inside of me makes decisions.
And those generally get me in trouble.

I think one of my biggest weaknesses can be my indecisiveness.
I'm working on it.
Trying to make decisions in a more timely manner.

I usually zoom through yellow lights these days, not sure if that is good or bad...
but it certainly says something.

Do you struggle with Indecision?
Do you make decisions with your heart or head?
Or both?
Are you struggling with a decision right now?


Anonymous said...

I love the part about "hindsight is helpful but not-existant at the present moment." You're very insightful.

I think the best way to make a decision is to not be impulsive. Even if you feel indecisive at first, don't let "them" see it.

I try to use my head and my heart, but balancing what is more important to go by in that situation.

It's tough bein a mama. But I can tell your a great one just by thinking about these things in the 1st place.

sassy stephanie said...

Man, that's a hard one. I can be very decisive but can also be very indecisive. I have been known to use both head and heart.

steenky bee said...

I live my life being indecisive. I am best when I have to make decisions under the gun. I'm not sure why, but most everything in my life has turned out better when I just go with my gut at the time and not take time to mull it over. I love this post. You're awfully deep for a Monday, here! I loved it though. I read it twice. And I didn't plan to, I just made a snap decision to go back and read it again! Ha!

Beth said...

I loathe making decisions. I am probably one of the most indecisive people I know. But I think I am getting better.

Life is too short to sit there and analyze every little thing. Just. Do. It.

I have to keep telling myself to take chances and follow my gut where my kiddo is concerned. :)

Michelle said...

I think I probably act on emotion too quickly, and often I find myself apologizing later. :|

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

Unfortunately, I am incredibly impulsive. I make decisions very quickly. Usually they are fine. But a lot of times I have to backtrack!

Pseudo said...

It seems the older you get, the more you have to plan some decisions. And sometimes I think it's OK to not decide and just sit back and observe.

Lula! said...

Impulsiveness Be Mine Middle Nameth.

That was lame, but you know what I mean.

And I love way your brain are so clever, creative, insightful, and wise. For real. No foolin'.

Indy said...

I was going to say that I was good with decisions. But then as I went to type, I realized that I have been struggling about baby #3 for over a year. I just can't make the choice. Maybe I should see someone about this? Time is ticking.

Unknown said...

I have a tendencey to leap before I think and am trying to change that...I would have to say that I do try to listen with my heart and weigh the balance before I make some decisions but there are times when I just throw myself in there and have to deal with the consequences later.

It is a learned skill for me.


Anna Lefler said...

Great post, Rhea!

I was actually just thinking about this yesterday - that it's amazing that anyone really finds what they want to do in life because the sheer number of options and different ways to live is totally overwhelming! (Especially for someone like me who struggles with where to eat lunch - it all sounds so good!)

Every now and then I'm crazy impulsive, but only if I pull the trigger before I let myself start second-guessing...

BTW, I'm linking to you tomorrow for the SITS blogathon! WOO-HOO!

Have a great day :^) Anna

Cristin said...

I remember helping a friend make an important decision in a relationship... I told her to tell herself that she'd made the decision to leave, to 'try it on' and see how it felt in her head...if it felt right then, decision made.

Sometimes I feel that the decision is made as soon as a choice presents itself and the rest is convincing myself that it's the right one...

Jen said...

I think that I make decisions with both my head and my heart, most of the time weak can work together. But it always seems like the really difficult decisions are the ones that I second guess the most.

Also, I like how you said the decisions about your kids were the easiest to make but not about yourself. I am the same way. I wonder how many other mom's are like that and why?

TerriRainer said...

I am usually decisive, but my husband tells me I'm inconsistent. So I may go one way on Monday, and then the opposite way on Wednesday.

I agree that decisions with kids are easier though.

:) Terri

Ronnica said...

Indecisive? No. Fickle? Sadly, yes. I make up my mind, but change it.

I do my best to withhold making my mind until I've prayed for wisdom, thought it through, and chose what I believe is the right option, assuming I'm at peace with the decision.

Mama Dawg said...

I've occasionally been known to dabble in indecision, but for the most part, once I make a decision, I stick to it. Good or bad. It's rare that I have a problem actually MAKING the decision. And I don't know why that is.

Anonymous said...

Good post. Yes, I have trouble with indecision, but I'm a planner. A methodical, 5-year-ahead planner. Most of my decisions are made so far in advance it's boring when the rubber finally hits the road.

I'm also like mama dawg, once I make a decision, I stick by it for better or worse. Not always the best approach, but sometimes there are so many OTHER decisions that exist in the decision-dependency-chain that I can't alter anything, even if I want to.

Anonymous said...

Just ask my husband how indecisive I am. I struggle with little things like figuring out where or what to eat. For some reason I'm pretty decisive when it comes to large life-altering decision but small things I can't make up my mind.

Susie said...

My biggest struggle is what to make for dinner:-) I am the worst in deciding what to do.

lynette355 said...

I am so OCD, that I tend to apply logic to everything. Yes even things that should be felt not thought out. It is good to be logical but still have to keep your heart in there too!

Insane Mama said...

I'm impulsive, it's dangerous to be as impulsive as I am. My hard decision right this moment is weather to drink hot or cold coffee, does that count?

Pennies In My Pocket said...

Oh if hindsight were present in the present all the time. I'd buy that even if it weren't on sale. lol

I do struggle with certain decisions, but not nearly as many as I used to. I think age helps you with learn what's really important and what's not. The things that are 'more important' tend to leave me with indecision. I make the decision with my head most of the time although the heart does have a say, it doesn't get the last word. ;-)

Thankfully, I'm not struggling with a decision right now.


WheresMyAngels said...

Well I can tell you that I TRIED to ride with my son while he drove. I couldn't do it, so i spent 500 on someone else doing it!

At this time, I have no decisions to make as I went in today and got those tubes done. That was a big decision and had I known about the breathing tube ahead of time, I would of choose a different path ;)

Justine said...

Dammit, I'm struggling with this post because you made me realize just how many decisions I make on a daily basis. Did you have to break it down like that for me? I can't handle it!
I think I make decisions with both my heart and my head, depending on the situation.

Justine :o )

Anonymous said...

I hate indecision. I do struggle with it from time to time (as most people must.) I think the biggest decisions are often the hardest b/c they have big consequences. I get jealous sometimes when people talk about having "a feeling" or "just knowing" what the right decision to make was...I don't ever get that.

Tiffany said...

What's right is usually pretty clear for me... the struggle is with whether or not I have the guts/strength, energy to be true to my inner compass.

As usual, great post!

Unknown said...

Hi there SITSah!

Thanks for dropping by my blog.- Jadeliscious. I usually follow my gut instinct....but there are times that decision to be made will have a great impact in our lives - that takes time and need to use my heart and head at the same time.

KG said...

I hate it when I can't make up my mind. I tend to debate something for a while and then once I actually make the decision, I never go back. Which is at least good. Or maybe stupid - I'm not entirely sure which. I guess you could say I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND!!! BWAHAHAHA. Ok, so that was a bad joke.

Anyway - we had that same 15 years old rule. We got permits at 15 and then we could drive unaccompanied during the day, but not at night. They've changed that to just a flat out prohibition on 15 year old drivers. But there was nothing like the freedom of being able to drive myself somewhere!

Tiffany said...

It's strange but I think the "other Tiffany" may be my long lost (younger) twin. We seem to often share similar answers to posts.

I, for the most part, always know what's right but I do seem to sometimes struggle with making the right choice and/or sticking to the right decision. I have always been accused of being extremely passionate. Don't get me wrong. Passion is an awesome quality BUT it often causes the heart to overtake the head. Or at least it does in my case. I tend to make the right choice most of the time when it comes to my girls. Or I like to believe that I do. But I often times find myself internally beating myself up for not following my heart in those instances.

Does any of this make any sense? I guess what I'm attempting to say is that in those instances when I do the "right" thing, I'm not always pleased with myself because I feel that it isn't the choice I wanted to make or I wasn't able to express my feelings, concerns, etc because of doing the right thing. ugh. I hope some of that makes some bit of sense. So I like to internally make decisions with my heart but I know that I can't always follow through with those decisions now that I have children. So instead, I make the "right" choice but find myself displeased. And apparently I AM struggling with the decision right now of whether or not this post makes sense and whether or not I've managed to answer the question.

The Pink Tiffany

Anonymous said...

"Hindsight is helpful but non-existant at the present moment."

Love that. So true. I also love your yellow light analogy. We have a lot of yellow lights that we go through in our day to day lives, right?

I am horribly indecisive when it comes to something that I have time to think about. I'll weigh things out, delaying decisions, almost to the point that it can be detrimental. Split second things are much easier for me to decide. Also, I think the heart and head are intertwined in most cases.

Great post, lots to think about.

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...

I don't usually struggle with indecision. I'm more likely to make a quick decision and hope for the best. Usually it works out well. If and learn!

Unknown said...

Yeah ... whether to stalk Johnny Depp or not ... and ... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT !!!!!

Usually, I'm a kind of hold your nose and jump kind of gal. I either drown or I float...

Funny thing though, th biggest decision that I'm struggling with right nowm is going back to NZ.

I really, really want to go, because all my family is there. However, I've also become comfortable here. This is now my comfortable and known place.

In the end, I know in my heart, that I will be going home ... but it's going to be really hard to leave home to do that.

Thare has been a lot of tears over this decision. One good thing though, I can take SITS with me and everyone that I've met here , will only be a mouse click away...

oº˚ Homeschool Mom˚ºo said...

So glad to see you entered my giveaway on sits. Good Luck -- I am so excited.

Much Love

Debbie said...

I am EXTREMELY indecisive..that is why I don't have my new carpet for the upstairs of my house yet. Been talking about doing it for months. I make decisions usually with my heart because my gut is always right. And yes, I am struggling with a decision right now...but that's for another day. Great post Rhea!

Tonya Staab said...

I hate being a Gemini. This whole twin thing really makes me one of the most indecisive people around. I always have 2 styles of decorating, of dressing, of doing day to day things. What I need is my very own twin, then I'd be set.

Valarie Lea said...

On things that truly matter, I can normally make a pretty good decision. Mainly because someone has to.

On stuff like where to eat, should I buy the big roll of charmin or the really big roll of charmin, I am not to good at making those decisions

Angie's Spot said...

I am incredibly indecisive, but only in certain situations. When it comes to food choices, no problems there. Choosing work or play, well, no issues there. However, when it comes to making big decisions, I fold at the first sign of drama. I'm a very emotional person, so I decide with my heart everytime. And it gets me into trouble most of the time.