Thursday, August 14, 2008

Freaky Butterfly Traps

Adult Tattle telling. Is it ever OK?

A few weeks ago, we were at our favorite swimming pool, and I noticed our lifeguard was asleep. You couldn't really tell in his oh-so-casual stance and dark sunglasses, but I was behind him, at an angle, and he was snoozing. Should I have told on him? I didn't.

I took responsibility for my own kids and didn't worry about what he was doing.

We teach our kids not to tattle tell, but how do we know what's going on if they don't? How do we teach them if they don't?

How do you draw the line between tattle telling and gossip? I know people who are strongly against telling on people...but at the same time, HUGE gossips. How do you justify that?

Psychiatric ramblings.

"The things that people say that upset US the most, are things that we have issues with."

A wise psychiatrist told me this once. I'm not sure I agree 100%. But, it gives me pause and makes me think. There is some truth to it, for sure.

I'm fascinated by people and their interactions. By what motivates people to do the things they do.

I try to understand ME, myself & I. I'm not as close to me as I once was. I think I lost myself somewhere around the time I got married at 19 and started having babies. I'm not blaming it on anyone, but myself.

I think I'm stuck in a half-cocoon right now. Half-caterpillar/half-butterfly and 100% stuck. Not sure whether to go back in and curl up for a while longer...or ready to burst free and take on the world. I think I need a third option. I need to crawl out and creep around a little, then go back in and hide...then creep out again, until I'm ready. I can do that, right? Or does that destroy the nature of the transformation? Will I lose my potential if that happens?

I'm ready to take things to a new level.

What do you think this means? How do you interpret my ramblings tonight?

No, I haven't been drinking.

I took one child to orientation at middle school today, and the other choked on a lemon drop and scared the crap out of me. It makes me think. More than usual.

Take stock in life, where I am and want to be. I'm not sure where I am and where I want to be, but I do know I'm not quite there yet, wherever that may be.


Cathy said...

I know exactly how you feel. I might have went up to him with an odd off the wall question and then when he jumped I might have said "yeah, I know." Then walked off.

Claremont First Ward said...

This is so thought provoking. I love the idea of a third choice.....being able to go outside your comfort zone a little bit at a time.......I think it just might be a very healthy option! :)

Karen said...

I use to tell myself that I would never be one of those people that would lose their identity when the got married and had kids. Some where along the way, it happened anyway. Some times I think this time in my life is harder for me to understand than my teen years were. In some ways, a lot more secure and in other a lot less.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I needed to know that other women still wonder about these things.

Indy said...

Stuggling with this too. I like your third option. Too busy with the kiddos and responsibility to do anything but at this point. It's not an easy choice but one that I think about a lot.

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

I think the third option is the option. Life does not have to be approached with the dive right in method. Sometimes you have to test the waters. And the simplest way to get you in is to simply dip in a toe. And see how it goes.

CrystalChick said...

There are some days I would have definitely told on the lifeguard, not to be gossipy (hey, I have had THOSE days too) but because he has ONE job to do and he wasn't doing it and he's responsible for the people's safety, especially children. Certain jobs require alot of multi-tasking so sometimes I guess to fall short on a few things is acceptable. I have girlfriends who email half the day away but still get paid for a full day of *working*.
I totally get what you are saying about taking responsibility for your own kids and normally we shouldn't worry about what others do, for sure! But if there's a lifeguard ON DUTY, that, to some parents is a little safety net maybe. Alot of parents do not have any training in that area and rely on the extra eyes and ears. Not that it should be relied on 100% or that the lifeguard is a babysitter but you get what I'm saying.
The rest of your post was totally right on. I have probably written drafts like this many times. And I read some blogs who do get very deep and profound sometimes while they are working out the details of where they are and want to be, etc.
I love posts like this. Really does make you think. I'm not there either. But then again, some would say we're exactly where we are supposed to be.

Unknown said...

I feel the same way and I think that it is your realization of this that is the mature part. I like to call it "caving" not as in caving in, but in the need to run back to my cave all by myself. I need times like those to smooth the rough edges, to make sense out of life, and to be okay with the world. I feel like I make better decisions after one of my caving sessions and I know the people around me surely appreciate the time I spend in a cave. I am usually easier to get a long with. You can be right where you are today and ya know is perfectly fine. One day you will be beautiful butterfly with gorgeous toes to match your flip flops, but today you can be stuck. I still love ya.

sassy stephanie said...

Oh Rhea, when safety is involved, you must tell. There is a fine line we try to teach to our kids about tattling. If there is a potential for serious injury, I don't think it is a tattle.

I for one do not rely on the lifeguards. My friend, a NICU nurse saved a boy's life two summers ago b/c the teenage guards went white with panic and were unable to perform CPR. I know first hand not to trust anyone but myself/husband when our kids are in the water. But what about the tweens there without parents? That lifeguard was put in a position of trust where he is being paid for his experience. Not to sleep off a (possible) hangover.

I hear ya on the "ramblings". I for one am not a liar. I am not one to let things get to me, but finding out I have been lied to can often be where I draw the line and end a relationship without looking back.

Will we EVER fully get to where we want to be???

Unknown said...

Not stuck in a bad way...stuck in the middle can be a good thing.

Mama Dawg said...

I swear, I felt that yesterday morning. I got the kid off to school, I had the day off of work and when that happens, I start to think too much.

I don't have any answers for you. I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Let me know if you figure something out!

Unknown said...

Good post, Rhea!!

My take on all this is to keep that feeling that you are never quite there. Don't use that feeling in a negative way though. Use it positively to keep striving towards your goals. Once you have attained that, then look ahead to the next one. That's what keeps us young at heart, even if it is only in our minds :-)

There is also nothing wrong with just dipping your toe i the water and taking some time to know what you want...

Angie's Spot said...

Very thought provoking. I'm with the others on a third option. Kat made a good point about dipping our toes in to test the waters first.

As far as the lifeguard, I would have tattled 100%. That kid is paid to do a job and when it's a life-saving job, sleeping is not acceptable. This is partly why I never rely on the lifeguards to keep my kids safe.

Hope the lemon drop incident is better now. It frightens me to no end when my kids eat. I'm always afraid of the choking hazard.

L said...

I would have said something. He is paid to watch kids, not to nap.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Totally agree with Sassy, the "other" Stephanie :) When it has to do with danger or outright stupidity, I would tattle. Well, I would have woke him up & nicely said that if he didn't improve on his performance, I would talk to his boss.

About your reflections, so healthy it is to not settle and to find your true best self & what your balance is between family, life & your own needs. It's a fun journey for sure and not a destination, as long as we feel we're moving forward most of the time. Me, I will be doing the robot on the way in my size 5's :)

Jeff B said...

Fitting into a nice, neat little package that the world thinks you should be, may look good on the outside, but if it's squashing who you really are on the inside, then break free from it.

Easier said than done perhaps, because we tend to live up to the expectations we've set with our family and friends, but again the inner turmoil that it can sometimes cause is like a weight around our ankle holding us back.

Well that's my armchair psychology anyway.

Rhea said...

I really appreciate all your responses! Thank you!

And, perhaps I should clerfiy something, there were about four other lifeguards on duty watching the kids, this was just one who was nodding off. And, he only ended up sleeping for a few minutes, long enough for me to notice but woke up before I had enough time to do anything about it. lol

Rhea said...

oops clarify, not clerify

The CDM said...

Adult tattletailing = mainstream media. So I guess this means whether or not you want to sink to the level of a journalist?

I'm just sayin'.

Jen said...

I think that you if you lost yourself, then go and find her. Spend some time away by yourself and listen to what you have to say. These thoughts might be yourself telling no screaming at yourself that is its time for a little Rhea.
Just my thoughts on yours. :)

Jennifer said...

I hope that Remy is okay... after choking and that you and Donny survived Middle school orintation. :)

I totally know where you are coming from with being stuck... but you put it so much more beautifully than I ever could have. Being stuck between a butterfly and a catapiler is very nice... I feel like I'm stuck between CRAZY witch mom and semi-descent only feeling sorry for myself mom... ugh!!

You will figure it out. and besides right now you are doing the BEST you are being you... to your kids!! You are such a good mom and although that shouldn't be all the defines you, I know I'm going through this too, at least you know that one of the many things that defines you... you are doing a kick ass job at. ;)

xoxoxo HUGS!!

Anonymous said...

hmmm, do you have a birthday coming up? I always get this way around my birthday (which is coming up!)

I am fascinated by your attention to font size in this post...I'm one of those graphic design geeks who can fully appreciate the time it took to do that. : 0o

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

I don't even think I have an opinion. I don't know what I would do. Maybe not tattle, but go wake him up?

Lula! said...

We must share a brain--mine seems to work like yours. I do my best work when it comes from randomness.

And we just had the big "we don't tattle" discussion with our eldest 2 days ago. She then asked, "But what if it's an emergency?" So we amended the rule to allow for tattling only if blood, vomit, or lack of oxygen is involved. I think she got the point. Or maybe we should now be more afraid???

trash said...

hmm... that is a big question. Sometimes we have to operate a double standard, as grown-ups it is a necessity.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps wake the guy up if he's dozing - and then if its a community or club pool in which there is shared liability (shared by you) and the guard is therefore technically partially employed by you and yours and if someone drowns and the guard is asleep and you are therefore somehow partially liable - I would have probably told somebody too. But my kids are old, and I am accustomed to telling apparently grown men what to do.