No More Mr. Nice Guy

I'm feeling bitchy tonight, so I'm gonna be honest. I'm going to tell it like it is. Too often we lie because we don't want to hurt people's feelings. No, of course your new haircut looks good. No, you don't look like you've gained weight! lies, lies, lies. So, here I am, letting loose:


First, Judy, you need to see a dermatolgist. Those are NOT freckles, and they don't look good. Also, that headband is so out of fashion.

Veronica, seriously girlfriend, you need a nose job. I know this great surgeon who does amazing rhinoplasty in LA. You've got the biggest honker I've ever seen and you should NEVER have your profile photographed again.

Mabel, your butt is beyond huge. You need to run, not walk to the nearest Weight Watchers. It's saggier than a 200-year-old woman's ta-tas. Liposuction wouldn't hurt either. I'm saying this to you as your friend.

Gloria, you need a pedicure like there's no tomorrow. I'll give you the free gift certificate I got as a gift for my maid because, girlfriend, you need it way more than she does. Have you EVER used lotion? Ever? Here's a new word: Exfoliate. Look it up.

Bianca, girl, I don't even know WHAT to say to you. You need help. You might need more calcium in your diet to deal with that humpy thing...or you need to go hide in Notre Dame in Paris.

Patsy, let me give you the name of my guy. You need a new hairdo. Perms are out, bangs are out. Sleek is in.
And, finally, Trish, there's a little something all us modern women go to called a dentist. Find one. Quickly.
Well, I don't know about you, but I feel so much better. I needed to vent out my bitchiness. My friends' feelings might be hurt, but in time they'll thank me. That's what friends are for. :o)

I got the idea for this vent from VBF's blog, Motivationless and added my own little twist. :o)