Pink Light Sabers are used to fight Shame.

After much deliberation and conferring with my inner advisers, I've come to the conclusion that

I'm weird.

You don't believe me?
You need convincing?
I see mythological beasts who discuss politics.

I dream of God Frogs raining down.

I have conversations with my She-Ra brain.

I also have this jacket that fits like second skin.
It's silver with shame sewn into the seams.
I wear it most of the time, often without even realizing it.

I'm not sure where it came from.
I didn't buy it.
I don't like it.
It's not my preference but it seems to be a habit.
A well-worn comfort.

So, this leads me to my story.
I was cleaning the toilet in my bathroom...
something that I detest doing.
I gag and try not to breathe as I clean away layers of boy pee.
Crouched in front of the toilet, my cloak is back on.
I realize I should clean the bathroom more regularly.
And I'm ashamed that I don't.

Then there is a bright green flash, and I look up at the Star Wars poster currently decorating the bathroom wall thanks to my son,




just in time to see Obi-Wan Kenobi step out of the picture into my bathroom and turn from cartoon to real life Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan.

(I'll let you in on a secret. I totally have a crush on Obi-Wan. His accent, his chivalry, his awesome Jedi training, his handsomeness.)




He sweeps into a deep bow, and I catch sight of his light saber hanging at his waist.

Obi-Wan: Dear Rhea, why do you wear that jacket of shame?
Me: Shoot, I didn't realize I had it on. Umm...you just totally came out of that poster...
Obi-Wan: Yes, I am a Jedi Master, and I am here to teach you how to use The Force to overcome your shame.
Me: I don't have The Force.
Obi-Wan: Yes, you do.
Me: No, I don't.
Obi-Wan: Yes, you do.
Me: Don't.
Obi-Wan: Do too.
Me: You're so hot.
Obi-Wan: What?
Me: Oops, did I say that out loud? I mean, ok, let's say I have The Force. Does this mean I get a cool light saber?

Obi-Wan sits down on the closed toilet lid. I'm really glad I just cleaned it.





Obi-Wan: You are being attacked by guilt and shame. These feelings lead to the dark side of the force. You need a weapon to defend yourself against these foes.

He hands me a bright pink light saber.

Me: Wow, my kids are going to think this is so cool.
Obi-Wan: They can't see it. No one can. Only you, and you can only use it to fight your sense of unworthiness and inadequacy.
Me: Umm...how? I mean, I can't see my unworthiness. How am I supposed to fight it. And, I'm always feeling guilty. I feel like I can't do anything well or get anything right...
Obi-Wan: Well, guilt is actually a useful emotion. It let's us know what's unacceptable and offers us the opportunity to do something about it. But, shame, it's incapacitating. Focus on what you can do to change the feeling around, to let go of the shame. Try to figure out where these feelings came from, so you can release them.
Me: Wow, you're so wise, ObiWan. Thank you. Do you have a psychology degree or something?

Obi-Wan: I must go now. May The Force be with you.
Me: Umm...you don't watch us from that poster do you?

He just smiled, winked, and jumped back into the poster.

I think I'm going to have to start using the other bathroom now...