Laws of Physics

If you look closely at our neighbor's tree...you'll see something that doesn't belong...

It's inevitable, if you have boys and they play outside with a ball...

that the ball will end up in a tree.

Never fails.

The Butt of the Joke

Elephant Jokes were a fad in the 1960's.
(I wouldn't know, I wasn't born until 1977)

Q. How do you shoot a blue elephant?

A. With a blue elephant gun.

Q. How do you shoot a red elephant?

A. Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue,
then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

Q. How do you shoot a purple elephant?

A. Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue,
and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

I don't know why Elephants were the butt of the joke.

Camera Critters is SO much fun! join us!

Sometimes I lie but I have good intentions

As I mentioned in the previous post, UpTake is a hosting a contest.
Anyone can enter.
The deadline's tonight at midnight.

The prize is a spa getaway in Napa Valley at Silverado Resort for four people.

I admit it, I'd sell my children and run over girl scouts for a chance to win.

See, let me tell it like it is.
People come out of the woodwork for contests.
People with sick kids, hard knock lives and woe-is-me stories.

Do you know how hard it is to compete with Sally Sob Story and Henrietta Handicapped and Tanya Toenail Cancer?

Well, I only have one arm.
And one leg.
And I have fifteen kids (all adopted, of course)...that I home school.

In my free time, I serve soup at the homeless shelter...with my one arm, while balancing on my one leg.

I have no hair, because I donated it all to make wigs for chemo patients.
And I donated all my blood to sick people.
I even had all my teeth pulled to give to toothless people.

Why wait til I'm dead to take my organs?
I have a few I don't need...
I've chopped off a few toes for charity & donated a butt cheek to a good cause.

I recycle, volunteer, teach people to read and care for old people.
I bring food to the hungry in third world countries.

No one's more deserving than me.


So, I win.
Right?

Simply Savoring Life at Silverado

We all need to escape life's responsibilities and pressures every now and then.
We all need to stop and breathe in fresh air.
We all need to take a moment to relax and savor life.

UpTake is offering up a contest with Silverado Resort to one lucky blogger and the three people she chooses to accompany her.

I'm not more needy or more deserving then the next person.
I'm just your average person, wanting to get away.
To explore something new.
To take the time to remember why I love life and what I want out of it.
To spend time with those I love.

Who would I take with me?

My sister, who spent most nights of our childhood in my bed, surrounded by stuffed animals, listening to the bizarre bedtime stories I made up. She understands me better than anyone. She knows me in my entirety. She moved halfway across the country, and I miss her!

My mother, who inspires and amazes me. Who taught me I could do anything. Who showed me to approach life and everything in it with all I've got. She's someone I will always respect and admire and strive to be like.

My grandmother, who has always loved me unconditionally, and who I will forever associate with creaking porch swings, singing and the crickets of summer. Someone I'm still getting to know, even now, and treasuring every second.

These three women are part of my past, present and future. They've shaped me, and I've shaped them. We're intrinsically intertwined, and I want to savor life with them at Silverado.

Weird scratches

In the last week, I've woken up several times with strange scratches on my chest.

I have no idea how they got there.

I figure it would be any of these things:

1. I'm having bad dreams and scratching myself.

2. The child or dog in my bed could have done it while sleeping.

3. I'm changing into a werewolf at night and unaware of it.

4. A confused vampire keeps trying to bite me.

5. I have an alien inside of me trying to break out.

Random Scrap & Rabbit Trails

I got summoned to jury duty. It isn't perjury to lie on that form you have to fill out, is it?

I think maybe I told them I was disabled...and had fifteen children.

Can I wear my cowboy boots in a courtroom? And my cowboy hat?

Can I blog about it?!

I'm thinking they don't need me in a courtroom.
I don't think I could contain myself.

Sometimes at work our database moves soooo slow that I want to scream
and pull my hair out in frustration...

but I actually work with someone who lost all her hair (rather mysteriously)
so that seems insensitive of me to say that.

But really, maybe, out of everyone, she might understand the best.

I really wouldn't look good bald.

My husband let our 7 yr old see some scary movie,
and now Remy won't go into a room alone.

I've tried to explain that monsters aren't real.
But Remy isn't buying it.

I think I have a solution.
I'm going to tear down all our walls so our house is just one big room.

Yeah, that'll work...I'm sure our landlord won't mind.

Did you know that Coffee Cake tastes nothing like Coffee?

My Mistakes & Assumptions

Am I the only one who had no idea about this?

I don't drink coffee, and I don't like the taste of coffee,
so I always steered clear of coffee cake
because I assumed it tasted like coffee.

Hah.

I was wrong.

I made a big mistake this week.
I am usually the one to pay our bills around here.

And I missed a payment...to the electric company.

And they didn't like that.




They cut our power.
I immediately rectified my mistake and paid the bill...
but it took them 24 hours to turn it back on.

So, we packed up the family and spent the night at my mom's.
Me, Texas Homeboy, the kids, my elderly father & the dog.

I was SO embarrassed.
and humiliated.
and irritated with myself.


Our dog Annie was a nervous wreck at my mom's house...
because Kachi the big bully kitty terrorizes her there.




Poor Annie.

BTW, I just told my kids that I needed their help cleaning out my car
(because the car is full of their stuff)
and they both ran out of the room.

I'm thinking about going after them with water guns...

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!