Monday, March 23, 2009

Poor Misguided Fools

I don't mean you, Friends, Family and Fun Readers.
(I love alliteration!)

Nope, I mean the poor misguided fools who end up on my blog due to their
bizarre Google searches...

I use Site Meter to keep track of hits, searches and where people are coming from.

Before I share the crazies, let's see the usual suspects. By that, I mean, the search phrases that turn up the most hits:

1. Scalene Triangles.
I get so many people searching for this phrase.
Read about my 12 yr old's homework involving scalene triangles.

2. Star Wars Gunships
I have so many posts about Star Wars.
There's the time Obi-Wan (the younger, sexy version) gave me a pink light saber.
Or there's Barbie's take on a Republican gunship.

3. Pork Chops Soaked in Buttermilk.
This pork chop recipe I found on the Internet is DELICIOUS.

4. The Pioneer Woman.
I get lots of hits from Pioneer Woman searches because I did an interview with her.

5. Gross Nursery Rhymes or Nursery Rhymes Go Bad.
Yep, I did share a nursery rhyme gone bad.

6. Hilarious Country Songs.
Yes, I wrote a hilarious country song.

There are others, but I want to share the really scary stuff.
The phrases that somehow lead people to my site...and I have no idea how.

Here they are:

"I'd like to be Barbie"
(Dude, she's plastic)

"Dreams what does it mean when a ghost is taking your soul?"
(oh, well, I did have that dream about the ghost mermaid trying to steal souls)

"id like to shoot you in the a**"
(I have no idea what this one is about)

"what does it mean when you have things like goose bumps on your v*gina?"
(Yep, once again, no vajayjay talk on this blog, I swear.)

"stuffed animal uterus"
(Oh, yeah, those weird stuffed organs...those were cool)

"mature man is a sunscreen"
(No idea what this led to)

"can you inflate a v*gina?
(I'm lost. Why would this lead to my site?!)

"1900's gay men"
(Hey, that photo of my relative from the 1900's, he was NOT gay)

"bought car ebay never came"
(my grandmother bought one successfully off EBay)

"Sticky ball on ceiling"
(oh, good, I'm not the only one)

"we'll get back to you soon"
(Sure you will. I won't hold my breath)

"mermaids dream interpretation"
(Yep, ok, I did have that mermaid dream)

"smoothie made in v*gina"
(I'm totally grossed out and creeped out now)

I swear, I have NO idea how some of these search phrases led to me.


magiceye said...

appreciate your effort to track them down!

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

I so need to do a google word search post. Are you still getting Katie Cokks searches? And when did you ever write about vaginas to get the searches here? Or was it helpful commenters typing things about Cokks and vaginas? :-)

DiPaola Momma said...

I KNEW it was you.. pink hat lady.. when you commented about the anchovies of strangers on the internet... trust me chickie pooh they ROCK and ya can't taste em.. I'm not into hair fish myself. But I'm all about buttermilk pork chops.. BONUS! Thanks for stoppin' by with props for my big FB day Welcomista!

Screwed Up Texan said...

Wow! That was so weird and yet funny too! I have some strange phrases that get people to my blog, but definitely not that weird. The worst one I have is people looking for info on Apron Fetishes b/c I once posted a title to one of my posts as such. It had nothing to do with a real fetish and I have wished everyday afterwards that I would have named that post something else.

Lula! said...

Stuffed animal uterus? Smoothie made in lady bid-ness?


p.s. When I saw your first pic--"You aren't here!" I laughed out loud. Because I say this to myself on a regular basis!

Rudee said...

I get a lot of queries regarding different poses to do with nurses. There are some sick puppies out there. In addition, I showed a lab slide of syphilis on a post about a year ago, and it seems a lot of people in Asia need to know what that looks like.

Ash said...

I hope the stuffed animal uterus and smoothie searches didn't come from the same guy.

I had flashes of "Silence of the Lambs" going on.


Sprite's Keeper said...

Yet another reason I never check site meter. I just don't want to know what crazies are out there!

Tammigirl said...

How funny! Thanks for stopping by my suck/rock blog. And double thanks for saying you liked it! How cool is that?

I was just reading aloud some of the searches leading to my blog and said to my husband "That's the weirdest one so far. Maybe I should blog about these?!" say, two days ago. I've been to your blog before and may already follow you - and follow you on twitter too.

Thanks for the warm welcome to SITS.

By the way - I have a giveaway on my other blog. Please come and enter.

CrystalChick said...

Site meter was messing up my blog so I had to delete it awhile back and then never loaded it again.
I haven't been posting enough lately so not alot are stopping by anyway. And if someone wandered by on a strange search there isn't anything exciting to keep them for a long visit. LOL

I LOVED the pictures of Annie's spa day. Sweet!!

Anonymous said...

Where on Site Meter do you see this? Do you have the premium version?

Pseudo said...

Seeing what people put into google is sometimes creepy, yes?

Swirl Girl said...

...oh no ! Not the dreaded scalene triangles!!!

Anonymous said...

I have this same post in my drafts already. You don't even wanna know what people search and get to me...very.scary.

Mama Dawg said...

That last one was GROSS!

The Blonde Duck said...

One of the mysteries of the Internet...

Sally-Ann said...

Good grief! It is amazing to me where you end up sometimes when you are doing a completely innocent search! Try typing in "foot injury" sometime!!!

Jen said...

the things that people search for are CRAZY!

Shannon said...

I think Google is partly to blame... like you said:

"can you inflate a v*gina?
(I'm lost. Why would this lead to my site?!)"

How does Google direct someone to your site from that?!!?!

Momo Fali said...

My most popular keywords are "How to make your sister mad". My son will be so proud of that someday.

Aunt Julie said... much as I *heart* Google, it does open up the World of the Bizarre sometimes, doesn't it?

Swistle said...

I get a TON of people coming to my blog wondering what the little black specks are in their vaporizers. GLAD I COULD BE OF SERVICE.

Anonymous said...

That is too funny! Just plain weird!!!

Susie said...

Those are great and funny!!

Cristin said...

Inflatable vagina... that's the best.

Justine said...

Oh man, that last one is priceless! There sure are a lot of vagina searches leading to your blog. There's gotta be SOMETHING to that!

Justine :o )

John Deere Mom said...

Those are just wrong, seriously!!

Angie's Spot said...

It never ceases to amaze me what brings people to our blogs. I did finally discover that everyone who was searching for "angie's palace" was looking for a strip club in canada. And now they'll be directed here too. You're welcome. :-)

Mariah said...

What's with all the vagina searches, I get them too

Anonymous said...

That's funny!
I never thought to keep track of some of the ways people have found me, but some have sure been odd.
Then, there are the star wars searches...