I just couldn't resist.

Little People Interviews

Here are the Little People and the Star of Texas Word Tangle, Annie-pie:

Donny is eleven (and only inches from being my hight!).

Remy is six and well known for his manic giggling.

Annie is around three or four, we think, and licks her feet all day..

I
As you know, I've done this interviews in the past. If you want to read those, click here or here or just search "interview" in the Blogger search box up top.

Donny's comments are BLUE.
Remy's comments are RED.

My comments are GREEN.


What's your favorite part about swimming?
Playing basketball.
The slides.
(Getting their energy out and working on my tan, and yes, I get a tan even wearing sunscreen people!)


What do Annie and Seamus do while we're gone from the house? (Seamus is my mom's big black lab we're dogsitting for a while.)
Seamus probably tries to jump Annie a couple of times, then gives up and they both go sleep.
They Butt Scootch! (Remy giggles insanely here. If you haven't seen the butt scootch yet, then click here for a short, short video showing Annie doing her signature move.)


If you could dye your hair any color, what would you choose?
Shades of Blue.
Gold and silver.
I think I might choose highlights with pink and purple mixed into my blonde.


If you had to fight a duel and you could choose any weapon, what weapon would you choose? (I then list a long list of ideal weapons) We're not violent in my household, I promise!
Fists! (Remy answered first this time!)
Swords.
Wait, I didn't answer first. I didn't!
How many weapons can I have.
One.
Hmmm...You can't shoot with swords. (so true, Remy, so true)
You need ammo...
I know, a machine gun! (Good lord.)


What does Mama do on the computer and what does that mean?
Blog. It means you write about anything you want on a website and people read it.
What Donny said.


How do you feel about Mama writing about you guys on the blog?
Violated. (He's grinning when he says that.)
Violated! What does that mean, Donny? (I need to remember to ask Remy first, otherwise he just copies Donny's answers.)
Ok, really, I think it's weird and a great idea, but it's not for me. (Ok, that's honest, I can dig it.)


At this point I couldn't think of any more questions, my creativity was turned off, so the boys decided to turn the questioning back on me:


Remy asks the first question: What would you do if you farted? (oh, boy, here we go)
I'd say excuse me.

Donny's next: What's your favorite kids' movie?
Easy. Shrek and The Incredibles. I wish they'd make a sequel to The Incredibles.

Donny again: If you could get ANYTHING in the world, what would you choose?
Do you mean anything material or...?
Material.
Ok, a ranch with a house on it.
What about you?
I'd have to research first. (Oh, he's so my child. I'm on Consumer Reports or Amazon before I buy something big)
I'd buy the world.
Wow, Remy, that'd be hard to buy the whole world. How are you going to do that?
I'd buy it from God.
I'd also buy a rocketship and go into Space.
(Well, at least he has goals and things big. hehe)

My Texas Homeboy

Introducing my Homeboy, the father of my sons, my husband.

So, I cornered him while he was in the shower this morning before he left for work.

Me: So, choose a name for Blogger, so you can comment on my blog.
Him: What?
Me: You know, if you ever read my blog, you'd need a name to leave comments.
Him: I don't even really know what a blog is. I don't know what you're asking me. Are you saying you want me to leave comments?
Me: Well, you know, in case you ever want to...yes.
He stares at me stupified.
I know when to retreat.
Me: Ok, you just think about it, and when you're done with your shower, we'll pick a name.

Now I head back to my room and talk to the boys.

Me: We need to pick a good name for your dad.
Donny: How about Jackalope?
Remy: Farty pants!
Donny: Homeboy
Remy: Poopy pants!
Donny: LawyerDude
Remy: Hairy balls!

Thanks for your help, boys.



What we decided on, finally?


Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see when he comments...if he ever comments...



Ok, that may take too long.


I can't stand the suspense.


His blogger name is:


drum roll, please.


mywifemademedoit



hehe

Ocho

Ok, I was tagged to do this meme by Cristin at Tiptoeing Through The Tulips. She has a wicked sense of humor, and I like her, so I decided to do this in her honor.

At first I took it very seriously and contemplated my answers over and over; were they intelligent answers, did they reflect me accurately, was I being honest and sincere, was that the best answer, etc.

Well, forget that crap (sorry). I'm going to have fun with this. It's a pictureless post (gasp, not possible for me!) so I'm going all out and letting the words hit the fan. hehe

Eight things I am passionate about:

1. deodorant

2. Starbucks Chai Tea (hot with soy, no water)

3. the Internet

4. Writing lists...of anything. I just love lists.

5. Target

6. drinking enough water so my pee is clear

7. smells. Things have to smell right or I go nuts.

8. OK, my family, nature, reading, writing, animals, freedom, photography, and so forth.

Eight things I would like to do before I die:

1. Get a tattoo somewhere no one can see but me

2. Get an extra piercing somewhere exciting besides my ears!

3. Own good-sized amount of land (maybe a ranch)

4. Travel the World

5. Publish a book

6. Publish another book

7. Go to Medical School

8. Make a difference (preferably for the better) in people's lives

Eight things I say a lot:

1. Please turn that down.

2. Remy, use your inside voice.

3. Just a minute.

4. Seriously?

5. Good girl (to Annie)

6. Donny, I mean, Remy, whoever you are, go to your room!

7. Remy, where are your shoes?

8. Donny, if you do that again, you're going to lose computer and TV time.

Eight books I have read (I don't even know how to start here. sheesh. I've read hundreds)

1. Nancy Drew Series (I read the entire series in like two months when I was younger)

2. Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein (My parents read this to me and now I read it to my kids...and it never gets old!!)

3. Harry Potter Series (LOVE it)

4. Coaching Youth Soccer: A Baffled Parent's Guide (yes, I coached Remy's team last year, that's a whole 'nother story.)

5. The Worse-Case Scenario Survival Handbook (because I want to be prepared.)

6. Living with Lawyers (have I told you I'm married to one? And my mom is one. And my father-in-law)

7. An Underground Education : The Unauthorized and Outrageous Supplement to Everything You Thought You Knew About Art, Sex, Business, Crime, Science, Medicine and Other Fields of Human (Again, I like to be prepared)

8. Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini (Come on, admit it, you wanna know now too...)

Eight movies I have seen eight times:

1. Sixteen Candles (Only R movie in our house..ahem, contraband....for years when I was growing up.)

2. The Incredibles

3. Shrek

4. Thomas and The Magic Railroad (Thomas the Tank Engine movie)

5. Master of Disguise

6. The Sound of Music

7. The Parent Trap (Hayley Mills version)

8. Annie

Google This, Man.

This is my first GOOGLE post. I've seen it before on countless blogs....where bloggers post all the hilarious, bizarre and freaky search words that led people to their blogs.


Well, now it's MY turn.

I'm kind of sad because with my blog address change, Google has lost me.

I'm unsearchable.

I'm invisible.

I don't exsist if Google can't find me.

I don't know how long it's going to take to be found again. I submitted my blog to their search engine again with the new address, but who knows.

So, due to an absence of funny search word results, here are some words people have searched with in the past and ended up on my blog:


Why am I afraid of pool drains? Oh man, when you figure that out, let me know, because I am too.

Bubblegum in Latin Dude, Romans didn't have bubble gum, so there IS no word for it. AND, let me clue you in, no one speaks Latin anymore, except the Pope, and I don't know about you but I haven't spoken to him lately...

Really, really intellectual things to say Oh, dude, you are SO at the wrong spot. I mean, I'm smart but I don't go around talking intellectually.

Sticky balls leave marks No kidding. Ours was up on the ceiling for months until my husband took it down. I had someone tell me they had one on their ceiling for a year. I think ours would have been. And, yes, it left a mark.

Can seals feel love Let me show you this picture, and you tell me what you think...

I see mommy/baby love here. Enough said.

Texas word for house Ummm, I hate to break it to you, but we here in Texas, we mainly speak ENGLISH. So, the answer you're lookin' for is HOUSE. Now, sometimes we use the Spanish word CASA but that's Spanish, not Texan.

Frog does not drink up the pond Well, I'm not sure what to say. What's really scary is that this phrase has shown up more than once and in different variations over a long period of time. Is this some secret agent code or something?

Break out on butt OMG, I'm so sorry. No one should have to deal with that. That totally sucks. Not sure why this led to me though, because I've never posted about butt break outs at all.

Butt Facials Oh, yeah, I did do a post on this. hehe It was funny.

Souped up Johns Ok, guilty. I had this picture and a whole post about it:

Cow teats or cow udders I get a LOT of searches with these words. I mean, at least 40 or so. Not sure why everyone's interested in this. Yes, I milked cows growing up on a ranch...and I recently bought my husband a cow udder cup from Wisconsin when I was up there for a writing retreat. And, being the sweetie he is, he used it, a lot. BUT, it just broke. I'm so sad. It shattered but I saved a teat or two for the memories.

Last but not least, the most searched for phrase that brought people to my blog was:

Hot Blondes, Hot TX Blondes, blondes in short-shorts Bet this isn't exactly what they were looking for. hehe It was a post about me as a child:

Letting it go to your Head.

Ok, I've got to share about a very special room in our house. It's a room that gets a LOT of usage. Can you guess? Yes, the laundry room gets a lot of use, but it's not constant. I kind of go in waves with laundry. Let it pile up....then wipe it out in one fell swoop...then let it pile up again. But, nope, not the laundry room.

The den gets lots of traffic, kids playing, TV watching, dog chillin', you get the idea. But, that's not the room that gets the most continuous usage...

It's the bathroom, the john, the HEAD, the commode, the sh*tter. More specifically, it's the master bath, MY bathroom. Now, let me start by saying, for the last eleven years of my marriage, I have lived in tiny apartments with one bathroom. ONE bathroom. And, with two boys and a always-busy-bowel hubby, that kept that one room constantly occupied. And messy. One time my oldest son and I both got the throw-up/diarrhea virus, and we had to take turns...he ended up sleeping on the floor in there...it wasn't pretty, my friends. We'll move on now...

So, now we have a bigger home with three bathrooms. Yes, THREE bathrooms. It's luxurious to say the least. It feels sinful. Of course, now my elderly father has moved in, so there are five of us, but still, three bathrooms is MORE THAN ENOUGH. It makes me so happy.

However, the boys still seem to think we have only ONE bathroom. It's puzzling to say the least. Everyone comes to our bathroom to do their business. It has a constant flow of traffic (except for my dad). And, this leads to not only me often sitting down on a wet seat (because my boys have poor aim) but it also leads to a plethora of reading material stored in there.

So, I want to share with you today the varied books and magazines that are currently stacked in my bathroom.

First, My Wall Street Journal and OED are in there to read, because that's all I read...ok, just kidding. I have a few books in there...because I'm always reading, and I've always got more than one book going at a time. They're usually mysteries or smutty fiction or urban fantasy or an occasional Dummies book to tell you how to get your life in order someway or another. I don't pee on the seat, I keep things neat and piled, and I don't leave a mess when I'm done.

Now my hubby. (He doesn't read this blog, or he might kill me.) So, with his being a lawyer and all, maybe I'll say it this way, so I don't get in trouble. HYPOTHETICALLY, there might be man in my life who uses my bathroom and leaves his reading material in there, along with coffee spills and the damn fan running nonstop, never to be turned off. Hypothetically. Allegedly. Quid pro quo.

I'm always wiping up these coffee stains he doesn't seem to notice (please, god, let them be coffee and not something else brown and wet). And, I find the fan running and have to turn it off...all the time. (I'm not convinced that fan thing really works, by the way.) His reading material falls more along the lines of The Art of Cross Examination and funny books by Kinky Friedman, Stephen Colbert and Borat.

Then there are a few articles on the dangers of smoking and how to quit that I printed from the computer and left in strategic places for hubby to find and read...the bathroom being one of them. He read them...and they weren't thrown away...YET. I leave lots of helpful little articles like that for him to read. He never knows what he's going to find in there.

Then, there's the kids. OH boy, here we go. They either have poor eyesight or just can't control their peepees because I'm amazed at where the pee ends up. And, no one seems to believe in lifting the seat anymore, so the seat gets wet with dribbles, and guess who ends up with a wet butt? Me, the sitter. I'm getting better at looking first, but I still don't always. It's never, ever a nice surprise.

Now, Remy (who's six) doesn't read in the bathroom. Instead, he disappears in there and chatters away. To himself or an imaginary friend, I'm not sure. I just now he starts jabberin' away and doesn't stop. I seriously need to record it (just from outside the door, not invading privacy, people!). We all giggle just listening to him go on and on so cheerfully. It's his happy time. He even sings.

Donny (who's elven) reads. Donny has left lots of reading material in my bathroom. There's the Kids National Geographic magazines, which are so cool that I end up reading them too. I've learned some really neat stuff in there. Seriously.

Then he has a small book full of facts about Space and a huge book called Big Book of Living Things that he is always quoting info from. He has one of these in the car that's similar, so I get to hear ALL about as we drive errands. Nonstop facts zipping over my head...

Anyway, back on task. Donny has a baseball card magazine, because he's decided to start collecting those. (Just when I thought we were done with Pokemon cards, that I would find everywhere, now we have MORE cards underfoot.) Then, the kicker, for Donny, there's a book called It's Perfectly Normal; Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex & Sexual Health.

The look on Donny's face when he saw this book I bought for him. (Remember, he's eleven) He told me he was NOT reading it.

But, you see, here's the thing, he was sick and missed school the day they had the sex education video and talk at school, so someone has to teach him these things right? I was hoping to leave it to the school but I guess I'll have to be the parent and do my job.

So, I told we could either have THE TALK or he could read the damn book. He chose to read the book.

There are sections labeled:

What is sex?

Our Bodies.

Puberty

Familes and Babies

Decisions

Staying Healthy.

It covers being straight or gay, different body types, what kind of physical contact is ok or not ok, how making babies happens, what your body goes through during puberty, etc. Excellent illustrations. And, I've told him to ask me any questions he has...or ask his dad.

Now that I think about it, you can learn a LOT in our bathroom. You never know what you might find in there...just look before you sit down, ok? Can't say I didn't warn you.

Giveaway Winner & Cracker Jack Award

So, if you're been reading my blog for the last week, you'll know I was hosting a little giveaway. I myself won a giveaway and received these two books pictured below. I read them, loved them and have decided to pass them along. See my cute model, Remy, posing on the stairs. (We only have one room upstairs, the game room!)

Remy decided he didn't want to model with the books anymore, hence this lovely expression:

Here's a close-up of the books. They are titled Letters from Your Friendly Cashier and written by fellow blogger, Carrie, from The Gremlin Wrangler. She has hilarious insights into the customers who come through her line and what working in a grocery store can be like. I laughed out loud throughout most of both books and wanted to share the love by passing them on.

So, I wrote down the names of everyone who entered and then went looking for my pink cowgirl hat to put them in for the grand drawing...but I stumbled upon this hat instead, and seeing as we just celebrated the 4th of July, I decided THIS would be the hat I used.

And, here's Remy again, closing his eyes, very serious and about to pull out the winning name:

Annie is clearly not impressed and has no idea how serious this process is.

This plant next to Annie and the chair is out of control. Frankly, I don't know how it's still alive. My elderly father moved in with us a year ago and brought this plant with him.

It needs a little trimming because it tries to eat anyone who walks in the front door.

Remy has chosen the winning slip of paper...

And the winner is...

Krystyn, from Really, Are You Serious?

Congrats, Krystyn! Please email me your address so I can mail you these hilarious books. Did you know Krystyn is a native Texas who is no longer in Texas? Yep. She's also pregnant with her second child. And, she also has a business called Krizzy Designs. Check it out!

A big thanks to everyone for entering! And, when you have a chance, read more from the Friendly Cashier and Gremlin Wrangler when you have a moment. She's hilarious.

Now, I won an award today!! Every Thursday, Jeff from A Word in Edgewise has a little contest where he shows pictures of mysterious objects and readers have to guess what the items are.

I usually get one or two right, but this time, not only did I get it all right, but I figured out the theme and got my answers in early (which is really the key. Early bird and all)

So, in honor of this, I won this special award, The Cracker Jack Award!! Now I am trying to win his other award...which is from the same contest but for the person with the most hilarious answer.

Wish me luck.