Tell me what you want

I'll tell you what I want,
what I really, really want.



I want a purple streak in my hair
and to find my own special sense of flair.

I want a tiny tattoo in a hidden place
and I want to drape a canopy bed in lace.

I want to pack my bags and go live somewhere exotic
to watch sunsets and listen to waterfalls until I'm drunk and hypnotic.

I want to write and write and write until I find myself
and never end up boring and old on a dusty shelf.



Tell me what YOU want,
what you really, really want.

The Mom Agenda

I need to share a must-have item.

A few years ago, I found a product that I immediately fell in love with

and have used ever since.

The Mom Agenda

They have organizational tools specifically designed for mothers.
Day planners,
note pads
clipboards,
bags,
chore pads.
and more.

I've been using them for years.
I love their colors and personalization.

It's seriously something I can't live without!

Now, where did I put mine?!!
hehe

Just kidding.

Overachiever

Camera Critters is SO much fun! join us!

Feeling Frazzled

Today has not started out right.

We were out of milk.
So, the one morning I planned to make the boys eat cereal...
I ended up having to cook.
I didn't budget time for cooking.

It cut into the precious little time I had for blogging this morning.
Blogging is something I really enjoy,
but am woefully behind on doing.

So, sorry, no creativity or photos in this post today.

I'm going into work early, so I can get off work earlier...
so I can make my complex-seven-year-old's baseball game this evening.

We're out of sandwich meat. I didn't make it to the grocery store last night.
After work, I ended up at a jewelry party. Where I wanted to buy everything.
Have you seen the Silpada Jewelry?

I don't know what to wear to work.
My husband's grouchy.
My 12 yr old is grouchy.
The 7 yr old is still asleep.

Where are those darn baseball pants from last season?
I can't find the honey to make peanut butter & honey sandwiches.
They don't even really like peanut butter & honey, but that's all I have when we run out of meat.

It's casual Friday at work.
But I hate my only current pair of jeans.
So is it snooty to still dress up?
Shoot.

I feel wholly incompetent.
The dog is following me around like she needs something.

What, Annie?
What do you need?!

My dad just told me he worked out on an anti-gravity treadmill yesterday,
and it was awesome.

What's next, a freaking anti-air breathing machine?!
Sweet Pickles in peanut sauce.

Some days are just grouchy days.

What's your mood today?
Any fun weekend plans?


OH, GREAT, now my blow dryer broke.
Now I get to look frazzled too.

Where are my keys?!

Smokin' with the Smarties

My 12-year-old is smart.
A smarty pants.

He's made honor roll, straight A's, this whole year so far.
In fact, I don't feel like he's really being challenged.
Two of his teachers have recommended him for GT testing.

So, I've been filling out forms for testing.
They ask ridiculous questions.

Does he recall and quickly master information?
Does he pursue topics or tasks that interest him?
Does he strive for perfection or is self-critical?
Does he offer unusual, unique, clever responses or products?
Is he sensitive and aware of others' feelings?
Does he display a keen or unique sense of humor?

and so on...

It makes my brain hurt.

I wanted to share with the GT program how entrapenurial is he.
How, he has been taking Smarties to school to sell to kids, selling them for fifty cents a pack.





Did you know that kids are into smoking smartees right now?
Well, they don't really SMOKE them.
They crush them up, then puff them like smoke.
It's weird.

Wikipedia had this to say:

Pop Culture

In 2009 youth began to "smoke smarties". "Smoking smarties" consists of grinding up smarties while still in the wrapper, opening both ends of the pack and then inhaling the dust, much like smoking a cigar. The dust is then tasted in the mouth and released. Or the candy dust can be blown out of the nostrils. Some doctors are concerned that "smoking smarties" could have negative health effects that include infection and allowing maggots to grow in the nasal passages by eating the sugar.

But, apparently they're in high demand.
So, my son recognized this, bought them at the grocery store for a cheap price and is now making money.

I guess you could say he's a dealer.
Yikes.
I don't think the GT program needs to hear about this...


My other ideas for this post title were:

Smartie Pants
My Smartie Pants can smoke your Smartie Pants
Smartie Smokin.
Smarties.

The Complexity of a Seven-Year-Old

Before you read this post, you need to know:
These photo were taken LAST YEAR.





Remy is a natural at sports.
He loves playing all sports.
He's played soccer, baseball & basketball for several years now.

Well, this winter, it came time to sign up for baseball.
So, I signed him up, like always.





Then, a couple of weeks ago, it was time for the first practice.
And Remy informed me he did NOT want to play baseball.
He told me he hated baseball.
He said I forced him to sign up.

I was confused.
Is this not the same child who loved baseball last year?
And the year before?
And the year before?

The same child who has played baseball for three years and excels at it?






Apparently.

Well, I talked him into going to the first practice...but I couldn't take him because I had to work.
His dad took him.
And it did not go well.

He spent the entire practice under a park bench crying.
My husband had gotten him there a few minutes late, which if you know Remy at all, you know he HATES being late. And this was a new team, he didn't know anyone. So, he was uncomfortable. All those things combined made for an unhappy Remy unwilling to try.

And after that, he said NO MORE BASEBALL.






But, with a mother's intuition, I knew I had to keep trying.

I bribed him.
I said, "Remy, if you try one practice and one game, I'll buy you that Indiana Jones Lego kit you want."

After some hedging...and perhaps me pulling up said lego kit on Amazon to temp him...he agreed.

And yesterday was another practice.
He went.
He played.
He played REALLY well.
He got his uniform.
He liked it.

"Mama, I love baseball."





Why does parenting have to be so complicated?!

Mis Suenos Locos

I have wild dreams (suenos).

I've had dreams about God Frogs and mermaid ghosts.

So, I bought a dream interpretation book,
to see what kind of wackiness my subconscious was trying to tell me.





Apparently dreams are "symbols for self-understanding."

We'll see about that.

Some things might be better left un-understood.
Misunderstood?



The other night I had a dream where I received tickets while parked at a gas station.


A gas station.
Tickets.




I looked up "tickets" in the book.
Tickets are an opportunity for a new experience, an airline ticket, a movie, ticket, etc.

If you get a speeding ticket,
you might be going too fast
and need to take time out to relax
and unwind in your life.

But, I got a PARKING ticket. Maybe I'm going too SLOW?



Also, in the same dream, I ended up on a swingset, swinging.
So, I looked that up in the book.
Turns out I might need balance in my life if I'm swinging from emotion to thought.
meh, sure, maybe.




My 12 yr old told me he had a dream the other night where people were getting shot...
and where they were shot, their body turned into an octopus.





He's truly my son.

I'm so proud.

But, I looked up octopus in the dream book...and it says something about going in too many directions without control. And shooting is losing life force...

Yikes.

Maybe it's best not to read too much into dreams...
or perhaps just to interpret them in my own way.

But this is sure fun.

I won't even get into my dreams where tornadoes are chasing me...





Do you have any dream symbols you want me to look up in my book?

Poor Misguided Fools

I don't mean you, Friends, Family and Fun Readers.
(I love alliteration!)

Nope, I mean the poor misguided fools who end up on my blog due to their
bizarre Google searches...

I use Site Meter to keep track of hits, searches and where people are coming from.

Before I share the crazies, let's see the usual suspects. By that, I mean, the search phrases that turn up the most hits:




1. Scalene Triangles.
I get so many people searching for this phrase.
Read about my 12 yr old's homework involving scalene triangles.




2. Star Wars Gunships
I have so many posts about Star Wars.
There's the time Obi-Wan (the younger, sexy version) gave me a pink light saber.
Or there's Barbie's take on a Republican gunship.




3. Pork Chops Soaked in Buttermilk.
This pork chop recipe I found on the Internet is DELICIOUS.





4. The Pioneer Woman.
I get lots of hits from Pioneer Woman searches because I did an interview with her.





5. Gross Nursery Rhymes or Nursery Rhymes Go Bad.
Yep, I did share a nursery rhyme gone bad.





6. Hilarious Country Songs.
Yes, I wrote a hilarious country song.






There are others, but I want to share the really scary stuff.
The phrases that somehow lead people to my site...and I have no idea how.






Here they are:



"I'd like to be Barbie"
(Dude, she's plastic)

"Dreams what does it mean when a ghost is taking your soul?"
(oh, well, I did have that dream about the ghost mermaid trying to steal souls)

"id like to shoot you in the a**"
(I have no idea what this one is about)

"what does it mean when you have things like goose bumps on your v*gina?"
(Yep, once again, no vajayjay talk on this blog, I swear.)

"stuffed animal uterus"
(Oh, yeah, those weird stuffed organs...those were cool)

"mature man is a sunscreen"
(No idea what this led to)

"can you inflate a v*gina?
(I'm lost. Why would this lead to my site?!)

"1900's gay men"
(Hey, that photo of my relative from the 1900's, he was NOT gay)

"bought car ebay never came"
(my grandmother bought one successfully off EBay)

"Sticky ball on ceiling"
(oh, good, I'm not the only one)

"we'll get back to you soon"
(Sure you will. I won't hold my breath)

"mermaids dream interpretation"
(Yep, ok, I did have that mermaid dream)

"smoothie made in v*gina"
(I'm totally grossed out and creeped out now)

I swear, I have NO idea how some of these search phrases led to me.

Meet me at the Smash Shack

What do I mean? Well, you tell me. The answer could be:




A. Smash Shack; a place to go hang out and get totally smashes (i.e. wasted, drunk, snockerred...)



B. Smash Shack; a Secret Meeting And Sharing House (SMASH) where women gossip, complain about life and loves and get smashed...




C. Smash Shack; a place to go pay money to throw and break items to relieve stress.

Doggy Spa Day

Last week, Annie went to the Vet for a checkup...and stayed the day for a Spa Day.

She was signed up for a wash, nail trim, ear clean, etc.

And when I dropped her off,
I left a disposable camera with her,
with instructions to the vet techs to photograph the experience.

They probably thought I was a little strange.
But, they did it!

The photo quality wasn't the best, due to the disposable camera.

So, here we go!!

Camera Critters is SO much fun! join us!

UPDATED: The Jesus Billboard & a Theory on Chickens.

Every day, as a I drive down the highway to work, I pass a huge billboard that reads:



And at the bottom it asks you to text your answer to a *####.


The advertisement is for a church.
And I wonder...what kind of responses they get?

Some answers I thought of were:

a God.
A son.
A carpenter.
A really cool dude.

I'm tempted to text an answer that might not be kosher.
hehe


I'd love to have a giant billboard asking a big question like that,
just to see the answers.


Questions like:



What is the Meaning of Life?

or

Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?

or

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?





I'm not obsessed with chickens, I promise.
Although, I used to have to close the chicken coop every night growing up on our ranch.



I remember my dad wringing a chicken's neck once,
and it ran around with it's head flopping for a few minutes,
which traumatized me for life.



My 12 yr old son informed me a chicken lived one whole year running around without it's head.

Huh.

Maybe if it was an ALIEN CHICKEN.

Come to think of it.
Maybe all chickens are aliens.

Oh! Maybe that's the answer I'll text to the giant billboard tomorrow.

Jesus was an alien chicken.


What would your answer be to the Jesus Billboard?
If you could put a question up, what would you choose?


I think I'm going to go take my meds now.


UPDATE: I tried not to have a wreck while reading the billboard backwards on my way home. I found the number and texted it my answer.

Then black helicopters showed up in the sky and followed me home...

Snapshots

Sometimes

I wonder

what

my purpose

is/was/should be

and where

I should go with it.