Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It's like Gunshot Residue

Sometimes I find myself responding a certain way, interacting in a mindless manner, and I have realized that I'm not being myself. I've fallen into habits that I don't even consider changing. It just doesn't even occur to me.

I fell into a serious relationship at an awfully young age.  And I think I stopped growing.
I went into some sort of freeze.
Maybe I felt trapped?
I take responsibility for myself.
I don't blame it on anyone else.

But, I don't think that relationship was healthy for me.  For either of us.
I don't feel like we brought out the best in each other.

And so, I've decided that relationships leave behind an invisible footprint, somewhat like gunshot residue
It coats you.
It identifies you...but it can be washed away.

I'm trying to wash it away at the moment.
And figure out who I am alone.
Who I want to be..

It's scary..and yet exciting..
It's overwhelming...and yet freeing.

I love metaphors.


TentCamper said...

Great post!!! and how true it is. I am caked with residue...about to go bathe in bleach!!!!

Justine said...

Rhea, you are such a strong woman and I know when you find your true self you're going to just adore her!

Justine :o )

Anonymous said...

do I ever understand that...I myself have moments of fear, will I really be as great as I think...and then I have better moments that life just may be BETTER than I an even hope!!

Unknown said...

Very true words Rhea, I'm glad you're turning a corner. BTW you may want to do something about your Photobucket account!

Susie said...

I wish you luck in the journey.

Swirl Girl said...

You sound like you're getting to a better place...that's healthy.

Twisted Fencepost said...

You would not believe how much I can relate to this post.
Been there! Still go there from time to time.