Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I pulled the plug on my own party

My boys are on Day 4 of their visit to Austin to spend time with their dad.
and I miss them terribly.

Annie misses them too.
She mopes around and doesn't eat as much.
She misses her boys.

When I called the boys this evening, they weren't big on talking.
Neither child likes talking on the phone much, which I understand, because I'm not much of a phone person myself.

But, as I spoke to them, I could hear the pout entering my voice...feel my feelings starting to get hurt.
And I thought to myself, "Rhea, stop it right now."

It's not my boys' fault.

They're having fun with their dad, who they don't see much.
Yes, he gets to be the fun parent, spending six days just doing fun things.
And I'm the one who left their dad and caused all this change.
Nevermind that I think it was for the better, I realized that I needed to grow up and get tough.

So, even though I started the pity party and was ready to wallow...
I managed to man up and move on.

Yes, I miss my boys.

Yes, they're having fun with their dad.
Yes, I'm home, without them, working long days and missing them terribly, but this is how things have to be.
And I'm not going to make them feel guilty for not wanting to talk to me on the phone much...or for having fun with their dad.

Because even though I'm angry with him, he cares about them and wants to spend time with them.
And that's important.
And I want them to be loved.

So, yes, I pulled the plug on my own pity party.

I'm not patting myself on the back  yet, I still have plenty of growing up to do, but for now, it's a start.


Anonymous said...

Oh sweet, you will get there. It's hard to be excited for them having a good time with their Dad...You are getting stronger just by acknowledging that you were sad about it. The time away it a time for you to spend some time with YOU and so you will be there stronger and more focused for them when they get back!


Keys to the Magic Travel said...

What Dawn said! I wish you could do things that are fun for you while they are gone. Go get a pedi. Go to dinner with friends. Hang out at Barnes and Noble with a book and a cup of tea.

But I do take issue with one sentence - the one where you said that you caused all this change. Honey...it takes two to tango...just because you decided to leave does not mean that YOU caused the changes.

Jen said...

And it sure is a good start. Good for you!

Justine said...

Well, I guess you could look at it another way that may help you feel better. You're without them for these 6 days, but how long is their dad without them in between visits?

They'll be home soon!

Justine :o )

Twisted Fencepost said...

I can totally relate to this. Been there.
But remember...and it is something hard to learn....you MUST take time for you. You need to find yourself. You AND the boys will be much happier when you do!

Susie said...

Co-parenting is the hardest thing you will ever do. I am proud of you that you are enlightened enough to realize that it is hard but it is what is best!

i beati said...

you just descriobed mature yes man up parenting. I see a lot of the opposite and its effects GOOd for you - the lonely and strong one..sandy

Mama said...

Years ago, I experienced a similar situation and those exact emotions. Good for you, recognizing where you are and manning up. And, here's another thought. It's good that they enjoy their dad. What if you had to FORCE them to go? That'd be worse.