Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Soul-Drenching Sadness

Tonight I was reading a book that made me cry.

The signs of truly awesome authors are the ones who can pull you emotionally into their story and make you connect with their characters.

I connected.
and I felt bone deep, soul drenching sadness.

For one infinitesimal moment, I became aware of my soul...
and how alone I am in this world.

I know that sounds dramatic.
And heart-wrenching.

But, honestly, it's a good thing.

Because it make me FEEL.

I took the time to evaluate things tonight.
The things that make you feel beyond your norm...that tug on your awareness until you can't ignore their presence any longer...

those are the moments that define us.

I've written a personal mission statement.
I know what I want from life.

I am alone.
I've got a lot to conquer.
but, I'm ok with that.

I need the challenge.

My life is in turmoil now more than it ever has been, honestly,
but I've never felt more sure of my path and my decisions.

I know what I want.

But, I'm taking the moment to feel the grief,
to acknowledge my sadness and regret.

and use these feelings to fuel what I want to do next.

Have you felt REAL with yourself lately?


Twisted Fencepost said...

Sometimes you must go all the way to the bottom to begin that slow ascent back to the top.
And yes, I have been there, too.

Mama Dawg said...

Not lately, but I have been there.

Lately, I feel like I've just been floating along. I have so much going on (not good stuff), that I've decided to be an ostrich. It's the only way I can cope right now.

However, my plights are insignificant compared to yours.

Still here if you need to talk.

Jamie said...

I haven't been anywhere near "real" with myself lately. I'm a work in progress though.

Ash said...

Regretfully the answer is no.

I find myself thinking a lot these days that surely everyone else must feel this way? No one's REAL life turns out how they thought it would be?



Screwed Up Texan said...

You are not alone, I am here with you.

But then again Micheal Jackson lyrics might not be too appropriate at this moment.

Girls Night Out?

CrystalChick said...

I'm working on that too. I have many moments when I feel so alone. And sad even too. I have a great immediate family... we enjoy each other alot so it's nothing they've said or done at all. Or my relationship with them. It's just life in general, sometimes trying to figure out all my beliefs and dealing with a couple health issues, etc.
But I think it's okay to feel all that. I don't know that we can have the really great feelings without knowing the bad too.
You know, it's finding the balance... the yin/yang of life.

Susie said...

You have to do the time in the sadness in order to get out. I hope that the time is not long!

The Blonde Duck said...

I have and it's hard.