Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Pill Popping Lament

I take pills.

What kind?
Wouldn't you like to know.

I use them to handle generalized anxiety and depression.

I don't like taking medicine, as a rule,
because who wants to be dependent on chemicals that do stuff to you?
But apparently my normal-state-of-being needs some alteration.
Which sucks.

A few days ago, I accidentally took one of my pills very late in the day.

Big mistake.
I felt horrible.

I got emotional.
I got dizzy.
My heart felt like it wanted to grow wings and escape my body.

It was not fun.
I think that qualifies as an addiction.

In my emotional state, I start emailing...
my sisters, my mom, my friend Kat,
with all these Debbie Downer emails.

Emails that lament about my life.
I can be quite a drama queen.

Then later I'm embarrassed and ashamed I sent those emails.
and aware that I complain about the same things over and over.

After a while people get sick of you complaining about the same stuff over and over.
Do something about it, you know?
But that's often easier said than done.
I don't want to be a whiner, a complainer, someone who doesn't change or take charge.

It's time for change.
I have a job interview today.
Wish me luck.
It's time for certain doors to close and others to open.
Yes, I'm back to my door metaphor.

I wanted to buy this door the other day at our local Trade Days,
to put on my wall.

However, it was $275, and I just couldn't justify spending that.

Anyway, just a snippet of my addiction.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Do I make sense?
Do I bore you?
Do I fascinate you?
Do I entertain?


Unknown said...

Good luck with your interview today! Crossing my fingers for you! Of course you entertain.. look at all of these followers hanging on your every word!
Go in there today & think POSITIVE!

Jill said...

You make sense to me
You never bore me!
Your stories facinate me and you are always entertaining even when you don't try to.

GOod luck with the interview!

Justine said...

I take pills too!!!!!!!!
Hey, good luck on the interview. What kinda job is it?

Justine :o )

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's an addiction, you experienced a chemical reaction, just get back on track and you'll be alright. you always do make sense to me, I enjoy reading your posts because they're more lyrical and poetic and enjoyable!

Good luck on the interview today, you'll have to fill us in!

Unknown said...

Nothing wrong with takin' pills. I take some too, and I've learned to think of them along the same lines as a diabetic would think of their insulin.

Good luck with the interview!

Inspiration CAN be found EVERYWHERE said...

Hey Rhea - Good Luck on the interview. You CAN do it girl!

Do you make sense? ABSOLUTELY
Do you bore us? NOPE
Do you fascinate us? YUPE

And just because you take pills doesn't make you a bad person - it means you are TAKING CARE of whatever needs to be taken care of. THAT is a good thing. IGNORING is a bad thing.

And for the record - I like the door too but $275? ouch too steep for me too.

Kori said...

Rhea I wish you the best of luck with your interview today. I think you are wonderful and I have really enjoyed our new found friendship.

Teri said...

Good luck with your interview. That is great news.

I know what you mean about not wanting to take pills. I take a tiny handful morning and night. I really don't have much choice if I want to live a long life, you know? I don't go to the extreme that my whacked out mother does. She doesn't like to take pills...so she doesn't. Pills for high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. to help with the heart surgery she had to have a couple of years ago. Yeah, denial. She goes to the herb store instead.

Sooooo, take those pills, girly. And keep writing whatever emails you have to write. Friends truly understand.

Jennifer said...

i love your blog... you always make sense, you NEVER bore, always fascinate and certainly are entertaining and most of all REAL!! :)

I hope you are feeling better today and having a much better day!! :)

good luck with your interview... I'm going to be doing that in a few months and i'm scared to death... it will be 6 yrs since I worked out in the real world then...

xxoxoxo HUGS!!!

Mama Dawg said...

Good Luck with your interview. You'll do fine.

Do you make sense? Uh, yeah!
Do you bore us? Not at all
Do you fascinate us? Every day!
Do you entertain? Ummm...I wouldn't be here if you didn't!

scargosun said...

You entertain me.

I have been off my meds for about 6 months. I have considered going back at times but so far so good. I HATED that feeling when you took one at a diff time than usual.

Valarie Lea said...

I don't think its necessarily an addiction, rather a withdrawal. I know withdrawals go with addictions, but this is different. It more so your body adjusting to not haveing what its used to when its used to getting it. But its not like you are gonna go rob a store to get that pill. I know I have been there. I had taken an ADHD medicine which I took myself off of, cause I didn't think it was helping me like it should. Boy was I emotional while getting that stuff out of my system. Now I am on something for anxiety, cause large crowds and just people in general where bothering me, and now I feel much better. So its just your brain firing off wrong signals.

So was this comment long enough for you????

Unknown said...

Hi Rhea,
I wanted to comment a second time to tell you that I am sending you all my interviewing Karma. I got this job after 3 interviews (normally they go through 4 or 5). Be yourself, be honest, and be just a touch cocky (we as women tend to underplay our strengths).
Good luck!

Jenny and the Princess Peonies said...

Good luck on the interview!

Heather said...

I love you.

Rudee said...

Good luck on the interview. I'll cross my fingers for you.

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Good luck on the job interview!

You fascinate me..since you asked.

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

Rhea, you can send me whatever kind of emails you feel the need to send. I will continue to be that shoulder for you. And sometimes that kick in the pants that you need. Because like I told you in my response...do not let the situation control you. You be in charge. You be the change that you need. Love ya!

cheatymoon said...

Better living through chemistry, sweetie. You are fine. Good Luck on the job interview!! Love that door, btw.

Jen said...

You so entertain me. And I am under the opinon that they only way to live it through chemicals.
BTW, where is Kat? She seems to be MIA.

Mariah said...

You make sense to me. And you can email me your woes whenever you want :) I'm on meds too. It's OK, all the cool people are.

Linda said...

To answer your questions ... yes, never, always, double always.

I managed to get off all meds about 5 years ago. I did it through dietary changes and I've never been more relieved. It wasn't/isn't easy, but I feel better. Let me know if you want to chat about it, I'll be honest.

Anyhow ... can't wait to hear about the job interview! Hope it went well.

Kriss said...

Rhea, did you ever announce the winner to your contest? I looked and couldn't find it and thought I missed it. -kriss

Indy said...

You entertain me and keep me company. Please keep us posted about the job! Good luck!

deb@virginia blue said...

holy hell!
one post and I'm already in love with you...

thanks so much for stopping by my blog today. I can TOTALLY identify with the pills and the debbie-downer syndrome...

Femina said...

Nothing wrong with taking medication. Depression is an illness, not a lifestyle. As I once heard someone put it, "I take medication because there's been an industrial dispute at the serotonin factory". I kind of liked that! What you experienced was chemical, not addictive, and you'll be back on track once you go back to taking the pills at your normal time.

Hope the job interview goes really well!

Screwed Up Texan said...

I hope your interview went well. I've been looking for a job for a year now with no luck. Love the door! I have an obsession with vintage/antique items as well...even if they are in less than perfect condition.

CrystalChick said...

Having been on medication for depression in the past, I get what you are saying. I didn't want to take meds either but if I didn't I'd have been in real trouble. So they really can help at times.

A situation similar to what I was on the meds for is actually happening again in another form now. Hub's has been a bit hurt by some crap with his family so I'm really working hard to be supportive and to not let it get to me more than it already has. So far so good, but there's been a couple nights I've had to take something for sleeping to SHUT off the rambling chatter in my head.

You can send me emotional Debbie Downer emails anytime. Drama other than my own is fine with me.

Unknown said...

That's a lot of pills! I love that door and can see why you'd ant it. I think we've all been there, where we've had a down moment and done things we regret.

Misty DawnS said...

I think you're great! I also like to consider you as one of my blogging friends and am honored to have you as such.

I used to take the meds. Haven't had then for awhile - sometimes I wonder that's good or not. I suffer from Inherited Chemical Depression.

Shannon said...

Yes, you fascinate me... its part of why I love you :)

I was on an anti-depressant after I had H. The post-partum depression hit me pretty bad. I went back on them as soon as I left the hospital with M. Some days I think I need to start taking them again. I agree with what Kat said... taking the medicine just means you are taking care of yourself. And that is better for you and your family.

Shannon said...

Oh, and I got your email...

Woot! Woot! Congrats on the job!

OHmommy said...

How did it go? I thought about you today after reading this in my reader.

Did it go well?

Coachdad said...

Wow...incredible post. Very touching and revealing. You don't bore me for sure. I love reading your stuff.

Putting the FUN in DysFUNctional said...

Good luck with all of that.
You do not bore me. And I think we may be on the same meds. I don't love being on meds but I know that I need them. No doubt about that.

Sally-Ann said...

Hope that the interview went well! You always make sense to me, never bore, always fascinate and entertain. By sharing your life, we do not feel alone

sassy stephanie said...

Girl, I'll take whatevah I can get my hands on.

Glad to hear about the job (as she comments on the wrong post!)

Unknown said...

Hope the interview went well !!

And you are anything but boring :-)

I don't usually take pills, other than the occassional aspirin or advil.

I'm pretty sensitive to certain types of pills, especially if they have a sedative effect. I was given some muscle relaxants for my shoulder, awhile ago, to help me sleep at night. I took one at 8pm on evening....at 2pm the next afternoon, I was still all woozy !

Susie said...

I am a chemistry project too:-)

You are always entertaining. I hope you did well on your interview:-)

Anna Lefler said...

Hey, hope the job interview went great! I bet it did...

Chemicals or not, sometimes we all fall into that big bummer mud puddle. Hope you're feeling better...



Nicole said...

That door is gorgeous, but 27.50 would have been way more affordable for my budget. LOL

Live.Love.Eat said...

I love how your honest about yourself!!!!! And congrats on getting the job. Have you said what the job is?

Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom said...

Today is my first visit to your blog, and I am enjoying so much. You have lots of neat stuff, and your pill story was so honest. We all take pills of some sort...you are not alone!

You are not a bore, you are quite entertaining...I enjoy you blog (and your button) so much that I just added it to my sidebar and I'm following you. I don't want to miss a thing! Keep up the good work, and keep your chin up too...everything will be okay.