Poop on Christmas Cheer

 

 (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

I've been a little slow to decorate this year. 

It's been a tough year, and I think I'm feeling a little down. 

I miss my mom and stepfather who have moved away. 

I miss my dad, who has also moved away. 

 But, this weekend, we pulled out the lights for our fences 

and the wreath for the front door. 

And then, last but not least, 

we pulled out the box with our fake tree. 

We kept this big box in the storage room off our back porch. 

We've kept it there the last two years and never had a problem. 

Well, this year, there was a problem. 

We discovered rodent feces in the box and all over our tree. 

So, we had to throw out the tree. 

 I wonder what people think, seeing a Christmas tree in the dumpster. 

On the positive side, it gives the dumpster a little Christmas cheer, right? 

 Sigh.

 Bah Humbug.

The rats pooped on Christmas,

Literally.

 

I'm turning Into My Dad

I have a really cool boss right now.

He lets me bring Annie to work with me!

Because he has a horse-sized dog that she can play with all day.

His dog's name is Aslan (like the lion from Narnia), 

and he is half-Great Pyranese, half-German Sherhard.

Beautiful and majestic.

Yesterday, when I left him inside after one of his backyard potty breaks,

he grabbed a clump of dirt in his mouth as he ran inside.

Exasperated, I followed him inside, 

saying to my co-worker, "He's brought in mud!  It's going to make a mess."

and went after Aslan to retrieve the mud before he made a big mess in the room.

I made him "drop" the clump of dirt 

and picked up the mud with my bare hand...

only to discover, IT. WAS. NOT. MUD.

I then squealed like a little girl and ran around screeching.

And proceeded to wash my hands for an hour straight.

and I posted this on Facebook for friends and family to laugh at me.

and one of my sisters commented, "Okay you're starting to scare me, This sounds a lot like a Dad story!"

And I realized she's right.

Our father was always picking up things that didn't turn out to be what he thought they were 

and ended up being nasty surprises.

Like the "sock" on the floor that ended up being dog poop 

or the "leaf" on the floor that ended up being a scorpion.

I'm turning into my dad (aka Lord of the Flies)

Silver-lined Excrement

My mom and stepfather are in Hawaii right now.

I'm so jealous.
I get emails from my mom talking about all the whales they're seeing.
The only whale I've seen in real life was Shamu at Sea World.
My mom takes fabulous photos, so I can't wait to see her pictures.

I digress.

While my mom is in Hawaii, her 13-year-old black Labrador, Seamus, is staying with us.






13 is really old for a Lab.
Seamus is an old man dog.
He has a gray muzzle, it's getting harder for him to see or smell, and he has trouble getting up and down.

And...wait for it...

he has trouble keeping poop in.

That's right, it just randomly pops out.

I warned the whole family to keep an eye out for poop.
And every day I've found some here or there.






Well, then we come to yesterday. I'm getting ready for work (at my new job!), and my dad calls me to his part of the house. He says he needs my opinion.

huh. That's unusual.
Does he want advice on what to wear?
His vision is bad.

Well, turns out, he wasn't sure what the big mess was on the carpet outside his room.
The mess that was smushed and tracked everywhere.

I gave my opinion.
"That's not mud, Dad."

I'm sure you've guessed by now, Seamus had struck again.

Texas Homeboy ended up on his hands and knees cleaning up miles of poop out of the carpet, while I finished getting ready for work.

Before I left, my dad said to me, "You know, there's a silver lining."
me: "Oh, really? What's that? (as the smell of poop permeated the entire household)"
Dad: "It could have been MY poop."

Oh. huh. He has a point.

And then, he took it too far...
Dad: "I bet my poop smells better."

Thanks, Dad.





That was the silver lining yesterday.


Do you look for silver linings in your bad situations?

Want to share one?