Sometimes I lie but I have good intentions

As I mentioned in the previous post, UpTake is a hosting a contest.
Anyone can enter.
The deadline's tonight at midnight.

The prize is a spa getaway in Napa Valley at Silverado Resort for four people.

I admit it, I'd sell my children and run over girl scouts for a chance to win.

See, let me tell it like it is.
People come out of the woodwork for contests.
People with sick kids, hard knock lives and woe-is-me stories.

Do you know how hard it is to compete with Sally Sob Story and Henrietta Handicapped and Tanya Toenail Cancer?

Well, I only have one arm.
And one leg.
And I have fifteen kids (all adopted, of course)...that I home school.

In my free time, I serve soup at the homeless shelter...with my one arm, while balancing on my one leg.

I have no hair, because I donated it all to make wigs for chemo patients.
And I donated all my blood to sick people.
I even had all my teeth pulled to give to toothless people.

Why wait til I'm dead to take my organs?
I have a few I don't need...
I've chopped off a few toes for charity & donated a butt cheek to a good cause.

I recycle, volunteer, teach people to read and care for old people.
I bring food to the hungry in third world countries.

No one's more deserving than me.


So, I win.
Right?